Marie's update:

It has been over 20 years since I wrote my book and over thirty years since Tim died in 1992.

While knowledge and understandings were gained by the research, interviews and analysis for my thesis and later for the book, I was never truly satisfied with what I considered to be 'inadequate and inconclusive explanations' for Tim's challenges.  I have been haunted by the thought that something was missing from the research. I sought in vain for other information that would help explain Tim's desperate desire to leave our home, to overdose on alcohol and live the life of a male prostitute in downtown Toronto.  Why?  I'm sure that all of the issues discussed in the book; the tragic history of the Aboriginals, the broken treaties, the shrinking reservations, the Sixties Scoop with their residential schools, the discrimination and problems of alcohol abuse, poverty and unemployment all played a substantial role in challenging Tim and other Aboriginal adoptees.

 Since the time of my research, an addition factor has come to my attention: the possibility of sexual abuse. There have been many news reports, books and interviews about the numerous cases of sexual abuse that took place behind closed doors in the 80s.  The victims of sexual abuse suffer many of the same behoviours that Tim exhibited: his anger, his drug use and unusual sexual habits.  The victims of sexual abuse, who were silent for many years, have now found a voice and have now told heartbreaking stories that are filled with depression, low self-worth, suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol use and often sexually deviant behavior.  It is only after 20 years that people such as Sydney Sheldon, .......... have spoken out and after years of silence and often years of therapy have found self-worth, some acceptance and the ability to move on.  Some have written books, others taken their cases through the courts and found some relief, acknowledgement and vindication through the justice system.

 This may shed light on what triggered Tim at age 11 to run from the school, throw pills all over the floor in our house and run away to a park.  Now, as I think back, I wonder why I or we didn't clue in, take more time to ask questions, give a hug and then provide the necessary space for him to tell his story.  Tim had many visits to the principal's office for homework not done and for disruptive behavior.  Our younger daughter witnessed his utter distress one day when she saw him leave the office.  This only surfaced in a conversation a couple of years ago.  Did we know of it before?  Did we just credit it to his anger because of the 'homework book' follow up sessions?  Not once did we think that Tim might have been the victim of sexual abuse.

 Later we heard that the person in question was transferred to a position in head office.

Does the additional possibility of sexual abuse remove our overpowering feelings of helplessness and guilt?  No, it doesn't but, the liklehood of this abuse does provide a more plausible explanation for for his uncontrolable and desperate conduct.  The ignorance of sexual abuse or at least the inability to address it was universal; there was no language for this abuse in the 80s; people did not talk about it.  It was not something that even entered our minds. 

 So, now, it begins to make sense.  I don't have any proof and I am not going to pursue it.  But, it is conceivable given Tim's actions in the following years.  Sexual abuse is an entirely plausible and a fitting explanation that I have combined with the results of my previous research.

 Does it make me feel a little better?  Perhaps, because it is logical and feasible. That helps but, acknowledging that makes us continue to ask if we could have done something, if we could done more to uncover the abhorrent acts that may have lead to Tim's distress and premature death.